It's a traumatizing experience to have someone ignore you. Especially, if the person ignoring you is someone close to ones' heart, in this case, my heart. It has been 4 days since she started ignoring me. The first day was pure torture. I kept thinking what could've I done wrong, what could've I said wrong, what could've probably triggered this. I was pondering on those kinds of thoughts for the whole day. The second day I tried to talk to her. I told her that I was wondering why she has been ignoring me but she didn't reply nor did she look at me. We never met each other's eyes ever since. On the third day, we were in the library, I tried to casually talk to her by asking a question about one of our subjects. But she completely ignored me. No reaction, as if I didn't exist. At this, there were small moments when I started to get mad at her. But then I realize that getting mad will not work. Its not her fault. Maybe, I really did something horribly wrong and I was being insensitive. Today, she's still ignoring me. I texted her a few hours ago and I'm still waiting for a reply. I can't seem to muster up enough courage to tell her face-to-face that I was sorry. And I really wanted to know why she was mad at me, by understanding this I wouldn't have to repeat the same mistake again. I'll have to wait to know.
Actually, right now, I'm worried and scared that our friendship might not go back to the kind of carefree relationship we once had. I'm scared that despite me being forgiven a certain trail of awkwardness will linger around us. There are many possibilities. We could keep on ignoring each other and we'd live with that until who-knows-when. I don't want that to happen. So I choose to keep loving and never hate. I choose to keep trying. I'll muster up courage to talk to her when we meet again. I love her, really, a part of that may have been caused by the time we have spent. But also because I just do love her.
They say your relationship with others is a reflection of what's going on within you. And maybe, I'm a little messed up within. Maybe, I haven't been paying attention to myself and how I treat myself. I'm hoping that she'll reply. I'm praying that she'll at least tell me why.
I'm glad that I had the opportunity to write about these pent up feelings. If I didn't share it with anyone, I feel like it's going to eat me up alive. I'll do my best! 100% BELIEF = 100% RESULT! I choose to BELIEVE THAT THE NEXT TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER SHE HAS FORGIVEN ME. I HAVE NO DOUBT ABOUT THAT!
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