Have You Ever Felt This Way?

"Have You Ever Felt This Way?"

You might have thought that I'm in love...right? But actually it's not. I have been trying to ignore this feeling because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought they were treating me like this "just because." But now I can't seem to stand it anymore. I feel too "INVISIBLE." They often ignore me and I just couldn't get it why they were ignoring me. I feel too "ALONE." And it was starting to suffocate me. Being alone was one thing I feared most.

When they ignore me I think to myself that they ignored me because my voice was too low or simply because I wasn't heard. Or they were mad at me for something I did wrong. Every time they look at me like I did something really wrong I start to get guilty and blame myself for doing bad things(that I don't really know if I did). Every time I smile and they don't smile back I get too nervous. When I call their name
out loud and they still ignore me, I feel like crying. When I try to make them laugh and they don't laugh I get really sad. Sometimes when all these things happen in ONE WHOLE DAY, I cry secretly. When I fail doing something for a friend I get really angry at myself. But one classmate of mine told me after he had noticed that I was killing myself already, that I was torturing myself. He told me, "Darl, sometimes you need to think about yourself too. If they let you eat poop will you also eat it?" Actually he had a point but what could I do? Shout at them? Tell them how tired I was already? That would shock them and I couldn't stand hurting anyone. I just couldn't. Maybe you'll tell me that I'm unfair esp. when you know how I treat my brother and sister. Actually I think of myself as someone really mean. I can hurt my siblings but I couldn't even shout or couldn't even look at my friends meanly. I'm just too mean.

And it was really unfair in the part of my siblings. TOO UNFAIR... I feel too disgusted of myself...well...maybe I'm already exaggerating this one. I'm already not used to people ignoring me. BeforeI was just a "NOBODY." But when people started to know me. When they started to talk to me and became my friends and run to me in times of needs I thought that will never end. I thought I would survive being a best friend to everybody. I thought I wouldn't be alone. But everything I thought of was all wrong. Every time we would divide groups and pick the group mates we want to be with I always feel "Left Out." They had their own groups. Sam's group, Boy's group & Lj-Ej group, and where could I possibly belong. I realized that I was fooling myself in thinking that I can be the best friend of everybody.

I just couldn't tell them how I feel. They might think I'm too emotional. That I cry over small things. I just couldn't bring myself to take a risk and tell them that I hated it when they make me do something esp. when they want it A.S.A.P. I love them too much. I'm too paranoid with what they might think about me. My sister would always tell me,"Unsa man ka? Ngano man nimo ginahimo tanan ginaingon sa imong mga classmate?"["What's wrong with you? Why do you always follow all the things your friends ask of you?"] Everytime my sister sees me doing something like a card or gift and sleep only when I finish it, she would always tell me, "Sows...Para na sad na sa mga classmate nimo noh?"[Sows...That's for your classmates again right?"]

Sometimes I hate myself for doing things they make me do. But I just couldn't make myself to rufuse when they make me do something. I would always tell them that I was ok. I also didn't want them to bother about me. They've got a lot of things to think about aside from me. I wouldn't want them to worry about me. Am I too martyr? wahehe. I couldn't help but just laugh and at the same time cry about this very complicated and hard situation that I have. But I don't always hate myself for doing the things they want me to do. Sometimes I even get happy when they call my name and tell me to bring this and that. I'm often ok with them telling meto do this.

Actually I'm too "Confused!!" lol. I think I'm just blabbering about things. I don't even know what I really feel about some things anymore.

Hmmm..I think that's the end of it...If I feel bad again I might add something to this post...


"In this world I need to be shown
I’ve got no place to call my own
I’m all by myself
No one can help
I’m dead inside
No place to hide

In this world I need a friend
I’ve got no one on which to depend
I need some help
My silent yelp
It can’t be heard
It’s just one word"

BY: BladeOfWilte

Bestfriend...

"Bestfriend"



For quite some time, I have been really bothered with what it is like to have a bestfriend. I'm not saying that I didn't have a bestfriend, it's just that we are quite far away from each other. And we don't have a way to communicate.

These days I have been quiet and alone. And the thing that I feared most was being ALONE. I didn't want to feel that kind of feeling of being "Out of Place." I just couldn't stand it. I would rather seat beside someone who doesn't talk than being by myself in a crowded place. But the thing that I feared most is what I'm going through right now.

Actually I've got a lot of bestfriends... I treat all my friends my best friends. And I also hope they treat me like their bestfriend too. Everytime somebody tells me their secret, I feel trusted. I feel really good. I feel proud of myself because somebody still trusts me.

Sometimes I get sad and "unwanted" every time I hear my classmates chat about things that I don't know. When they talk about secrets and everybody knows and your the only one who doesn't have a clue about it. I feel really rejected at times. But what could I possibly do? Butt in their conversations? Always follow them like a dog?

I want to be with them if they really want me to be with them. I wouldn't want to disturb or trespass their PRIVACY. But I still hope they tell me their secrets. Sometimes I feel really scared that they might not or my advices might not work. I've always wanted my advices to work.

Anyway, now that I've let all my feelings out..I can now move on and be happy... Maybe by being alone I may learn to be independent and I might learn more about myself..

Marrying A Millionaire

"Marrying a Millionaire"

Summary

Want to marry a millionaire? Add one 'Average Joe', be one of eight women selected, and money from the television network station and you can.

Han Eun-young works as a clerk at a bank, trying to pay off the debts her step-mother and sister have piled on her. Kim Young-hoon is your regular, 'Average Joe', worker. He provides for his father, his older brother and his wife, as well as his younger brother.
One day, PD Yoo Jin-ha is asked to take over the project, "Marry a Millionaire". Reluctantly, he agrees to handle the project. His search begins for the perfect man to play the 'millionaire'. His goal is to use a man who is an average worker, but can pull off the facade of a millionaire. Kim Young-hoon is that man. Although he works hard for a living, there are many who can easily mistake him for a rich guy.
By chance, Eun-young is selected to be a particpant in the TV show. Although the women are not supposed to know that this millionaire of their's is just a regular worker, Eun-young knows his true identity.
How?
Simple. Young-hoon was her first love. After many years, they meet up again at a party. Although she didn't recognize him at first, she realized it was the young boy she had fallen in love with back in middle school. Although she says she made a mistake in liking him, being in the show with him is bringing up warm feelings once again.

Marrying a Millionaire is based on the US reality television show, Joe Millionaire.

Casted by:

• Kim Hyun Joo as Han Eun-young
• Go Soo as Kim Young-hoon
• Yoon Sang Hyun as Yoo Jin-ha
• Son Tae Young as Jung Soo-min
• Jung Jin as Jung Sung-sik
• Kim Ki Bum as young Kim Young-hoon
• Lee Mi Young as Goo Jung-sun (Eun-young's step-mother)
• Yoo Chae Young as Lee Soo-ji (Eun-young's step-sister)
• Park Geun Hyung as Kim Jung-dae (Young-hoon's father)
• Choi Sung Min as Kim Seung-hoon (Young-hoon's older brother)

My Comment:

Haven't really finished the drama series. I'm still half way... I just finished episodes 1-6. But from the episodes I've seen it's a good drama. Though I don't understand why the girl wouldn't want the guy even if he was rich or poor. Anyway, since I'm still not finished watching it. My question might be answered in the following episodes that I'm gonna watch. I'll update when I finished the whole drama series...

How to make a poem...

"Poem Making"

While I was browsing through the net and making a research about "Filipino Inventors" for my Chemistry Assignment...I remembered that I had an assignment in English Literature and it was making a poem.

Honestly I don't make good poems...bwahaha...
They're not even considered poems...
They become more like a prose.

Anyway since I wanted so much to make a really good poem instead of making a prose. I decided to search for "Tutorial Lessons on How to make a Poem." And I found this really good site. The author explained it really well. She's funny and interactive and you will really get her point.LOL.

Here's a link to the site for those who wanna learn...It's just a short tutorial...

How to Make Your Poem Leap from the Page!

Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End

"Pirates of the Caribbean: At world's End"
late post




Another exciting Movie!!! Another movie that I watched with my whole family, usually Mom doesn't go with us every time we watch a movie in the theater she prefers shopping than watching a movie inside the theater. The first time she went in during the middle part of the Movie(Spiderman3) she already wanted to go home. And the second time(Pirates of the Caribbean 3) she went in, Mom fell asleep. Anyway... Back to the topic...

Pirates of the Caribbean was great. Especially the ending... The 'real' ending after the credits. A lot of people didn't see the last part because they left before the credits finished. Fortunately we stayed for a few moments and saw the ending.

I also love the funny parts like Captain Jack Sparrow talking to himself... bwahaha... And the 2 British Guards who became Pirates...LOL.. And also the parrot and monkey... If you saw the movie you would know what I am saying ..LOL..

Spiderman III

"Spiderman 3"
late post

I watched Spiderman 3 with my parent's on it’s Premier Night..[Yeah! because we were too excited to watch it..that’s why..and it was also my first time to watch a movie on its premier night.] Last May 1, 2007 [wednesday night @ about 7] .

The movie was really touching and heart-warming. I even shed a tear.[hope my sister doesn’t read this..] LOL. But when I saw my sister crying I hurriedly wiped the tear off my face[because I wanna tease her that she was so soft…bwhaha.I’m really mean.]. It teaches you a lot of lessons in life. How a friend forgives and forgets. How a person is poisoned because of revenge. How every decision you make in life is important. The movie was also quite funny in the part where Peter Parker is becoming kindda emo and when he was embarrassing himself too much[i really laughed hard during this parts..i even forgot that it was a public place and that i wasn’t at home..lol.]. I really enjoyed this movie. Over all the movie was great!!! Thumbs up!!

Father's Day

"Father's Day"

Since Father's Day gonna be tomorrow I decided to share some of my experience during Father's Day.

Well...First I need to explain what do we do during Father's Day. Father's Day is time for us to celebrate how Great our Dads are. How good they are. This is the time we reward them for being the "GREATEST DAD!!" It's the time we make him the Happiest Man on Earth...right?

Last, last year we were tasked by our tita's to make a card for our dads. I made a very special one. I made it really personal because I thought we were simply gonna hand it to our dads...But unfortunately we were gonna read it in front of our relatives. We had no choice. We lined up and started to read our cards. Everybody got emotional esp. me. I'm scared of talking in front of a lot people, that's one reason for me to get emotional. Then I started to read. I didn't know why. But when i read the words, "Your smile is very rare.." I started to cry uncontrollably. Actually my dad doesn't smile that much[but now he does. I make him smile really wide when I just stare at him and smile...LOL]...Back to my story...Then my legs started to feel really numb. I couldn't barely feel them nor let them move. All I could do was hang on to my dad and embrace him really tight. But after awhile i regained my strength again...phew...

Here's another Blog Post made by my sister for my dad...really touching one too...i'm crying right now..wahehe..she's really good with expressing what she feels with words..lol..